


The One With The Baby On A Bus

by ironemrys



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Creativitwins, Disaster creativitwins, Distaster Twins, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. AU, Gen, Intrulogical, M/M, Mociet - Freeform, Picani is not specifically mentioned but you know it's him, Prinxiety - Freeform, Sleep is a baby, Swearing, allergy mention, babysitting baby sleep, remus is the slightly less disastrous twin, roman is the disaster twin, they're trying their best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:48:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26496673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironemrys/pseuds/ironemrys
Summary: based off of that FRIENDS episode. the title says it all.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 3
Kudos: 48
Collections: Sides Shenanigans





	The One With The Baby On A Bus

**Author's Note:**

> I just can't stop picturing this in my head and so here it is. This was written on a whim and while I was laughing way too hard. I think I'm hilarious, I'm sorry.

One morning in a typical New York City apartment.

"Who's a good boy? My little sleepy boy... " A short young man with round glasses, said to the one year old he was holding. 

The child wailed, "Oh no. Don't cry… please don't cry... " the young man said sadly but the baby continued to wail. 

"J, he's still crying…" He got up from sitting down on the couch and headed towards his partner, "Why is he still crying?"

"Come here." another young man said. He was wearing a yellow sweater over some dark slacks, his slightly auburn hair tousled as the child was transferred to his arms.

The door to their apartment opened and two identical twins stepped into the room. Both of them were wearing varsity jackets. One of them was sporting a red jacket with pink undertones while the other was wearing a green jacket with black undertones.

"Hey Patton! What's for breakfast?" The one wearing green asked as he headed towards the dining table. 

"Did you guys switch clothes?" Patton asked as he looked at the twins. 

"Yeah. Red was kinda boring me so Remus and I switched. It's fun. I look good in green." the latter replied. 

"And I look bloody in red so it's a win win." Remus smirked before he noticed the child in the room. 

"Hey! Sleepy boy is awake!" He grinned and bounced towards the child, "Come and play with your uncle Remus." he added and reached for the child. 

The baby immediately went for Remus' hold and Patton sighed. 

"I can't believe this. Even Remus gets to hold him." He slumped on the table and turned to the other twin, "What's wrong with me, Roman? My own son hates me!" 

Roman laughed, "I'm sure he doesn't, Pat. That's just how babies are." 

Remus then walked over to them with the baby in his hold, "You want to go to your pop?" He asked the kid and made a move to transfer the child. 

"he's just being a grumpy sleepy boy." Roman said but the baby wailed once he was transferred to Patton's hold. 

"Why?" Patton almost cried as well and Roman took the baby from him and he immediately stopped crying. 

Remus, watching the exchange, motioned for his brother to hand over the child. 

"Let me just see something." He said and as he carried the baby in his arms and moved to Patton, the baby wailed. He moved away and the baby stopped crying. He got closer to the other again and the baby started to cry once more. 

"COOL!" Roman said out of excitement before he covered his mouth. Patton got up from his seat and flailed his arms before running towards his partner. 

"Janus! Our son hates me! I can't live like this!" 

\--

Come afternoon, and the four of them were having lunch. Remus and Roman joined the family, saying they will leave after a while to play some basketball outside. 

The baby was asleep in his crib so the adults could eat peacefully.

"Okay who wants dessert?" Patton said as he got up from his chair. He headed to the oven and took out the freshly baked pie.

"Hey Patton." Remus called and held the basketball towards Patton. 

Roman imitated a crying baby sound. Remus moved the basketball away and there was silence. He moved the ball closer to the latter again and his twin cried louder. 

Both of them cackled while Patton laughed dryly, "Ha. That's so funny. Let me see that for a moment." He asked for the basketball. 

Once Remus handed it over, Patton threw the ball out of the window, shutting both of the twins up. 

"Well, that escalated quickly." Roman said when they heard Janus coughing. 

"J, you okay?" Remus asked. 

A deep guttural sound emitted from Janus' throat and he blinked tears away from his eyes, "I don't know. Something's… what's in this pie, darling?" he asked and turned to Patton. 

"Uhm. Eggs, flour, kiwi, lime-"

"Kiwi? You said it was a key lime pie." Janus said as he tried to cough and get a feel for the strange sensation building up in his mouth.

"No, I said Kiwi Lime. That's what makes it so special." Patton replied.

"That's what's going to kill me." Janus held on his chest, "I'm allergic to kiwi." he added.

"No you're not. You're allergic to peanuts, lobster, and-" Patton stopped as the realization hit him, "Oh my god."

"It's definitely getting worthe." Janus said as he stood up. 

"OH MY GOD! Honey is your tongue swelling up?" Patton asked and rushed over to Janus. 

"Ewther that or mah mouth's getting thmaller." Janus mumbled as he breathed in and out. 

"Okay okay get your jacket." Patton said and rushed to their room. 

"Is he gonna be okay?" Remus and Roman asked. 

"Yeah. We're just going to the hospital to get a shot." Patton yelled from their room. 

Janus visibly shuddered, "Ah no. I'm fine. I tsink it's getting better. Anyone up for swabble?" he sat back down. 

"JACKET. NOW. " Patton said as he walked out of their room, wearing his own jacket. 

"But-"

"Janus Damien Frost. Jacket. Now." Patton glared. 

"Yep. Get your jacket JJ." Remus said.

"Yep. You're going." Roman seconded and Janus sighed. 

"What about our son? We can't just leave him!" Janus said and there was a glint in Remus' eyes. 

"We'll watch him!" He said and nudged Roman in the ribs. 

"Ha! I don't shink thso." Janus replied. 

"Come on! We wanna do it! Don't we?" Remus asked and turned to Roman. 

"Well, I was looking forward to playing basketball but I guess that's out the window." Roman shrugged. 

"Fine. If you're gonna thake him, thake him fow a wawk. Don't foget to bwing his hat and-" Janus continued to mumble orders as he was dragged by Patton outside the apartment. 

"Consider it done!" Remus yelled at them as the door shut.

"You understood all that?" Roman asked, bewildered and his brother just gave him a shit eating grin. 

"No."

\--

Later that day, Remus and Roman took the baby for a walk. 

"You sure we got all his stuff?" Remus asked and adjusted the straps of the baby bag. 

"Oh I'm sure we got them." Roman replied, "Why are we even out on the street we should be at the park." he added. 

"Bro you're not thinking. It's a known fact that having a baby with you while you roam around the city is a great way to pick up chicks." Remus answered and wagged a finger at his brother who raised his brow. 

"Remus, we're gay." He reminded him. 

"Chicks or dicks whatever." Remus said and Roman gasped before covering the baby's ears. 

"Remus!" He warned but got ignored. 

Remus then turned his head and saw two very good looking men waiting at the bus stop. 

"Check that out." Remus said and elbowed Roman in the stomach.

"Okay your idea of using the baby is stupid but dibs on the purple one." Roman replied as they looked at the two who were deep in their conversation. 

"Let's go." Remus grinned and walked towards the bus stop, Roman scurrying and stumbling along. 

The other two males turned around when they heard someone approaching. They looked at the twins then down to the baby who stuck out his tongue. 

The young man wearing a purple hoodie with some dark eyeliner and eyeshadow stuck his own tongue out to antagonize the child. 

"Virgil." The taller one, wearing a blue and silver button down, black slacks and shoes, said with a sigh.

"He started it." Virgil chuckled before his eye caught Roman's who looked back shyly. 

"Oh I believe him. This little gremlin likes to pick fights." Remus then said and made the baby wave at the other two. 

"Your brother?" the taller asked.

"I wish. Then I can trade in this ugly monstrosity. " Remus cackled and was smacked upside the head by Roman. 

"We're twins, genius." He mumbled.

"Yeah but I got the moustache so I'm more handsome." Remus grinned and winked at the taller male who blushed. 

"Logan did you just blush?" Virgil grinned and Logan coughed before adjusting his glasses. 

"It's the heat of the weather." 

The bus then arrived and the four of them got on. They sat right next to each other, continuing their conversation.

"So where are you boys headed off to?" Logan asked, changing the subject in order to save his embarrassment.

Roman and Remus looked at each other. 

"Park."

"Home."

The twins answered simultaneously and the other two raised their brows. 

"Well the park is close to our home. So…" Roman said avoiding eye contact and waved his hand. 

"So... " Remus started, "say that we weren't watching over our friend's kid, and say that we all had some time to kill... " He looked directly at Logan with a grin,

"Would you be interested?" He asked and Logan was stunned in silence which made Virgil laugh. 

"Yeah why not. You'll have to excuse him. He's not used to people hitting on him." He said and patted Logan on the back. 

"And I assume you are?" Roman wondered and Virgil smirked,

"I'm used to shutting them down but I think an exception here is alright." He replied and Roman blushed but couldn't fight back the smile forming on his face. 

"I'm Roman. The annoying one is Remus." he introduced. 

"Virgil," The latter nodded, "oh this is our stop." he then said and got up, dragging Logan with him. 

"You're kidding? This is our stop too." Remus grinned. Logan and Virgil looked at each other, they were pretty sure that the park was still a few blocks away from where they were. They looked at the twins who were already out on the sidewalk so they shrugged and let it be. 

"So, about that time we could all kill…" Roman started when Logan looked around their space. 

"Hey... " He called and the twins turned to him, "Where's your baby?" 

Roman and Remus looked at each other then down at their empty hands. 

No one was carrying the car seat. 

"SHIT!"

"FUCK!" 

\--

"PICK UP! PICK UP! PICKUPPICKUPICKUP!" Remus yells at his phone while Roman was bouncing anxiously on his heels. 

They chased after the bus once they realized their slip-up but all their yelling and cardio amounted to nothing. They even lost sight of the actual bus when two identical ones showed up right after it made a quick turn. 

"Janus will kill us. Janus will kill us." Roman repeated.

"Calm down. Chances are, Social Services has him." Logan replied when Remus screeched on the phone. 

"Finally! Hello! Yeah, I was wondering, hypothetically, what would you need to do if you accidentally left a baby on a bus?" Remus asked as he gestured wildly with his hands. 

There was a muffled voice from the phone, "Yes I know it's a stupid thing to leave a baby on the bus but... " 

Roman grabbed the phone, "Listen. We left a baby on a bus. And we were wondering how we could get him back before our friends kill us and skin us alive." 

Another muffled voice, "He wants to talk to you." Roman handed the phone over to his twin. 

There was a series of nods, uh-huhs and yeahs before Remus hung up, "Okay we gotta go to their office, they already informed the bus company and Social Services will take it from there." 

Roman breathed in relief before immediately hailing a cab. 

"Would you like us to accompany you?" Logan asked. 

"I mean if you have nothing better to do, then sure. This will be like our idiots to lovers AU." Remus grinned. 

"Pretty sure that's not how that works." Roman replied. 

"You guys wanna keep on flirting or do you want to get your baby?" Virgil asked, already inside the shotgun seat in the cab. 

The three of them dove into the cab before instructing the driver to head to the Social Services office. 

\--

After a twenty minute ride, Roman and Remus practically ran out of the cab after paying. They headed straight to the head office where they were greeted by a young man wearing a pink shirt underneath a brown cardigan. 

"Hey! We're the ones who called about the baby on the bus-"

"We called about the baby in the bus!"

"Is he here?" the twins asked in unison and the young man almost dropped his notepad because of the surprise he got from them. 

"He's here." the man replied with a smile before fixing his glasses.

"Oh thank god!" Roman said and almost collapsed. 

"Where is he?" Remus asked and the young man gave them instructions for the room. 

Remus and Roman ran out as Virgil and Logan were just about to walk in. The two looked at each other before following after the twins. 

The brothers entered the room they were instructed to go to and headed for the cribs. 

"Hey sleepy baby." Roman said as he looked over the child who was giggling. 

"Hey baby brat, you missed us?" Remus asked and looked at the child who was sucking on a pacifier. 

All the color from the twins' face suddenly drained. There were two cribs, with two identical babies. The only thing that's dissimilar was their onesies. One was wearing a clown printed onesie while the other had ducks as prints. 

"PLEASE TELL ME YOU KNOW WHICH ONE IS OUR BABY." Remus panicked. 

"Well. There's ducks and there's clowns. And he was definitely wearing ducks…" Roman started and Remus beamed before turning to the other crib. 

"... Or clowns." Roman finished and his brother looked at him in disbelief. 

"What do we do? What are we gonna do?" Remus asked and Roman began to think. 

He snapped his fingers, "We'll flip for it!" 

"YOU WANNA FLIP FOR THE BABY?!" Remus yelled.

"YOU GOT A BETTER IDEA?!" Roman yelled back.

"Fine! Call it in the air!" Remus replied and dug through his pockets for a coin. He flipped the coin and Roman yelled,

"Heads!" 

Remus caught the coin and opened his palm, "Heads it is!" 

"Yes!" Roman said triumphantly when Remus scrunched his brows and patted his brother's shoulder, 

"WE HAVE TO ASSIGN HEADS TO SOMETHING!" 

"Oh! Okay… uhh…" Roman thought, "Ducks is heads because ducks have heads." he explained and Remus looked at him like he was about to punch the living daylights out of his twin. 

"WHAT KINDA SCARY ASS CLOWNS CAME TO YOUR BIRTHDAY?"

Roman was quiet, trying to think when Logan and Virgil walked in.

"Found you." Logan said. 

"You guys run fast." Virgil commented before noticing the distress of the twins. He walked over to them, Logan following silently behind. 

"oh hey, you found him." Virgil said and pointed to one baby, the one wearing clowns. 

"Yeah but look." Remus replied and showed the other baby to Virgil and Logan. 

The one wearing clowns took out his pacifier and stuck out his tongue towards Virgil who laughed and picked him up. 

"This is your baby." He said. 

"What? Are you sure?" Roman wondered. 

The baby continued to blow raspberries at Virgil and Logan picked up the other child but he did nothing. 

"Yep. That's the one." Logan replied and put the baby down. 

"You guys better be right about this or else Janus will have our heads." Remus said as he took the baby from Virgil's arms. 

"Forget JJ and think about Patton! I don't want him middle naming me!" Roman shrieked.

"Trust us, it's him." Logan then said and so the twins nodded, accepting their fate.

\--

Roman and Remus returned to the apartment nearing dinner time. Janus and Patton were already back from the hospital.

"Hey!" Patton greeted them. 

"Hey… " the twins replied reluctantly when they noticed the bandages on Patton's hand. 

"What happened to you Daddy-o?" Remus asked. 

"Oh, Janus just held it too hard when he was getting the shot. It's all good. But how's my baby boy?" Patton said and took the baby from his stroller. 

He held him on his lap and started to bounce him up and down, "Hey, my baby's not crying!" Patton exclaimed cheerfully but Remus and Roman looked at each other in horror. 

"Hey Roman he's not crying…" Remus started and Roman chuckled nervously, 

"He's not crying... "

Suddenly, the baby wailed.

"Oh... " Patton said sadly. 

"YES!" the twins yelled in unison and the latter shot them a look. 

"There's still pie!" Remus diverted when Janus came out of their bathroom. 

"I'm here, I'm here." Janus cooed at the cries of the child, "So how was your day? Huh my sweet angel?" He asked and laid the baby on the couch to change his diaper. 

"He rode the bus today!" Roman exclaimed and Remus jabbed him on the ribs. 

"Oh really? That's good. Big good boy riding the b-" Janus stopped while removing the baby's old diaper, "Hey I got a question," 

He lifted the baby up and turned him to face the twins, "How come it says Property of Social Services on his butt?" 

Roman and Remus' eyes went wide. There was a huge trademark on the diaper of the baby. 

"Uh... Haha. You… you are gonna love this story, JJ." Remus said as he and Roman started backing away, heading towards the door. 

"Can you hold him for a sec?" Janus says and hands the baby over to Patton. 

He turns to the twins, "Come here." 

Remus and Roman scrambled to the door and Remus grabbed the leftover pie on the table. 

"Stay back! I got kiwi!" He yelled and held the pie at arm's length towards an angry Janus. 

Remus turned his head to his twin, 

"RUN ROMAN, RUN!!!"

Roman bolted out of the room.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated.


End file.
